This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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