You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
