so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
