Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
