Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
3 2 1 whiskey
Floor bacon is actually really good
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
