Non-Jews are for practice
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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