just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
