I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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