I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
