i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
