Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
