Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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