I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
