I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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