I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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