I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
