do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
