i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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