I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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