i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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