I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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