Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
