I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
