I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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