Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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