Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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