Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
