my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
