I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
