Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
