Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I don't think brook has ever known best
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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