I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
