Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
