I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
NoShamevember. You game?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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