its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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