I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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