Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
