And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
