I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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