i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
