ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
