just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
