I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
