remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I need to calm my uterus...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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