it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
