I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
