True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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