I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
