My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
