Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
