Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
