Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
