I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
