I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
